Blog for Self Improvement

Self confidence is a mental and emotional state of mind that responds to an individual's need for self-acceptance and peer recognition. It is among the oldest and most studied concepts in psychology. It is used to describe a positive but nonetheless adequate perception of oneself and one's abilities. As such, people with self confidence usually have a better idea of the things they are able to do and are more apt to be successful in their projects. They are able to more readily admit and learn from their failures.

On the contrary, a lack of confidence might prevent you from believing what you do and decide will finally work out the way you had intended. It can hence hamper the improvement of decision-making aptitudes, planning and managerial abilities all of which are essential and mandatory skills in the business world of today. The pre-occupation with other people's opinions of your work may also cause you to become excessively self-critical, which will distract you from things you would have otherwise been fully capable of performing.

Low self confidence will also affect your social life, as people with low self confidence tend to stay in their "comfort zone" and are afraid of being rejected. This is called social phobia and is usually associated with low self confidence, as well as other mental afflictions such as depression. People with low self confidence are scared of being judged by their peers and will avoid talking to new people, which can subsequently lead to isolation and even lower self confidence. Low self confidence is a vicious circle that's difficult to break.

On the other hand, because they are able to trust their abilities, people with self confidence are able to do what they feel is appropriate and do not expect the approval of others. They also trigger confidence: your boss, employees, customers, friends or relatives will be more likely to believe in you or in the things you are telling them if you appear self-confident.

Different experiences can lead to low self confidence. New research indicates that parenting style has a major impact on the development of a child's self confidence. Corporal and psychological abuses during childhood are for instance the worse for a person's self confidence, as well as family conflicts or divorce. Overprotective parents may also be a reason for a child's social phobia and inhibit the independence that is necessary to develop self confidence. Failures and successes, for instance at school or in one's professional life, also play a significant role: losing a job or failing a class are some of the several experiences that will negatively affect your self confidence.

There are nonetheless ways to overcome those bad experiences and improve self confidence. The first thing to do in order to build self confidence would be to learn to know who you are and what your strengths are. Recognizing that you cannot be perfect and cannot be the best in everything you do will help you gain self confidence. Accepting who you are is the key to building self confidence. But improving self confidence also requires that you start taking risks and giving yourself credit for your achievements. This is very simple advice that will help you improve self confidence. You may also find plenty of books that will claim they can help you improve self confidence, however not all of them are reliable.

A lot people suffer from low self confidence or are only able to gain self confidence in one or a few areas of their lives because they constantly look for other people's approval and are afraid of failing. Many factors, including childhood traumas, can explain why certain people cannot have the wholesome life a self confident person could have. These persons also don't always know how to gain self confidence. However improving self confidence can now readily and effectively be achieved thanks to hypnosis and NLP.

As we have seen before low self confidence and social phobia can stem from traumas or unconscious fears that may be difficult to overcome through self persuasion only. Confidence hypnosis and NLP on the other hand are able to get to the unconscious part of our mind and modify belief systems to boost self confidence. They are effective tools that will help you address your fears and trust yourself to develop self confidence.

Confidence hypnosis has been used for several decades and has shown significant results in building self confidence. Once in a hypnotic state, accessing unconscious thoughts is a lot easier and, through hypnotic suggestion, you will be able to replace your negative thought patterns with positive ones to boost self-confidence.

By: Alan B. Densky, CH

Source: http://www.articledashboard.com

Alan B. Densky, CH is an NGH certified hypnotherapist. He offers effective hypnosis CD's for social phobias and self confidence. His self hypnosis for self confidence CD's were independently reviewed in the UK. Visit his Neuro-VISION self hypnosis site and watch free hypnosis videos.

I have to give a presentation to the shareholders meeting next week. I am petrified of speaking in front of groups! You’ve got to help me!

As a counselor and coach specializing in phobias and stress management, I often hear pleas like this one from my clients. For many people, public speaking anxiety is very real and very debilitating. It can pose a major detriment to career advancement or to promoting your business.

One way to beat speaking anxiety is to join Toastmasters International. This non-profit organization, founded in 1924, offers a first-rate educational program for speaking and leading with confidence. Toastmasters has helped millions of people over their platform jitters. You can join the organization through a local club, where you’ll find friendly people who have “been there.” Toastmasters International has 8700 clubs in over 70 countries. If you can’t find a nearby club, Toastmasters International will help you start one in your community or corporation. For more information go to www.toastmasters.org.

Confidence alone does not make someone a good speaker. Polished speaking skills come from knowing your subject matter, preparing and organizing the material, and practicing your delivery. Toastmasters will give you a supportive atmosphere where you can put these skills to work.

For my clients, I work with them on the emotional end of things—overcoming the fear and anxiety. Drawing on professional training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and hypnotherapy, and my own experiences as a speaker and trainer, I use a combination of coaching, relaxation training, mental rehearsal, and guided imagery to help people replace their fears with confidence and motivation. Obviously, I can’t show you all these methods in this article. However, I can give you some easy-to-follow stratagems that should make your next speech a bit easier. Here are ten things you can do to overcome your fear of public speaking.

1. Give up the belief that you have to be perfect.

Most people are afraid of public speaking because they fear the embarrassment of making mistakes in front of others. Anxiety over mistakes only makes mistakes more likely. Having anxiety could be the biggest mistake of all! Even professional speakers occasionally make mistakes. The difference is that they don’t consider mistakes major obstacles to success. The secret is to accept that mistakes are going to happen sometimes, and to develop the ability to recover from them quickly. Dr. L. Michael Hall, author of Secrets of Personal Mastery, advises, “Give yourself permission to be gloriously fallible!”

The way to recover from a mistake is to observe it dispassionately, take whatever corrective action is appropriate, regain your composure, focus on what to say next, and get on with it. Dwelling on an error and feeling bad about it only adds to your confusion. Leave the mistake behind and move forward.

You can’t please everyone in your audience. Sure—some listeners may think you are a moron for making a mistake. Some won’t even notice it. Others may admire the way you recover so easily. Some may be relieved to know you are human. Some won’t care one way or the other.

Mistakes can provide excellent feedback for improvement. Mistakes often promote single-trial learning, so it’s almost certain you will never make the same mistake twice. Ask yourself “What is the worst that can happen if I make a mistake during this speech?” Making a mistake does not carry a death sentence.

2. Visualize the outcome you want.

People who fear public speaking visualize their upcoming speaking opportunities as abysmal failures. They see themselves fumbling clumsily with notes, stammering, becoming mute, turning red, possibly crying, horrifying audiences with their stupidity, and slinking away to live out the remainder of their miserable lives in exile, reviled as a social reject. Psychologists call this method of preparation “negative anticipation.”

STOP IT! Each time you engage in this mental flagellation, shake yourself out of it. Say “STOP” loudly to yourself. Do anything to get your mind out of the failure trap. Sing, whistle, recite poetry, walk around the block, or talk to a friend. You can even make those scary images seem silly and laughable, by imagining your audience in clown costumes, or seeing your performance in fast motion.

In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, author Steven Covey tells his readers to “begin with the end in mind.” Visualize yourself giving that speech the way you want to. If you anticipate success, you are more likely to get it. Mentally rehearse that you are speaking confidently with a smooth delivery to an appreciative audience. Hear the words coming out of your mouth in a flowing cadence. See yourself with an erect posture, breathing free and easy. By visualizing this way, you are programming your mind and body for the results you want.

3. Prepare Positively

Stop worrying about yourself and get excited about your subject! You have something important to say and others want to hear about it. If you can, pick a subject you enjoy. Speak on topics you know well. Even if you are delivering dreary statistics about last year’s crop failure, put something of yourself into your speech. Include an anecdote, or a quotation. Bring in the human interest perspective. Practice and preparation are easier if your subject matter is important and/or enjoyable to you. If you think your material is interesting and meaningful, your audience will catch your enthusiasm and appreciate your sincerity.

4. Love your listeners

Once, just before I was about to speak to classroom of 70 students, a colleague asked me, “How can you be so confident will all those people judging you and finding fault with you?” Now there is a defeatist presupposition, if I ever heard one! It had never even occurred to me to think of my students in that way! “I am confident,” I answered, “because I don’t think that way. I assume my audiences are friendly. I assume they are here because they are interested in what I have to say. I love my audiences and I assume they love me.” You get back what you put out---and nowhere is this adage more true than in public speaking. If you want your audiences to like you, you have to like them first.

5. Put the past behind you---at least the ugly parts

Some people have speaking anxiety because of some humiliating incident of the past---often in childhood. Such events can be highly traumatizing for children (and not a joyride for adults, either) and can cause life-long, paralyzing fear. If such an incident is the basis of your fear, visit a therapist or counselor who specializes in phobias. Phobias are nothing to be ashamed of. Researchers estimate that 80 percent of the population has at least one in a lifetime. Contrary to popular belief, many phobias can be cured, usually in three or four therapy sessions.

Maybe your fear isn’t a true phobia, but still relates to past flops and embarrassments. Remember: All good speakers started out as not-so-good speakers. They improved because they resolved to do better the next time.

6. Get some rest and avoid hassles

Plan ahead and get a good night’s sleep before your presentation. If you have trouble falling asleep, drink some warm milk (yes, it does work), and think some pleasant, relaxing thoughts. It may help to listen to a relaxation tape or soft music, or do some light reading before going to sleep. If you can, clear your calendar of stressful events that could interfere with your ability to concentrate and speak confidently and sincerely. In other words, don’t schedule a job interview, a dentist visit, or a meeting with your ex-spouse’s lawyer on the same day you are going to deliver that all-important speech!

7. Avoid mood-altering substances

Some people mistakenly think that drinking lots of coffee or alcohol, smoking cigarettes or popping a tranquilizer before speaking will improve their delivery. They do it to pep up or calm down. Mood-altering substances are an emotional crutch you don’t need. The problem is that you can’t regulate the dosage. You don’t know how much is too much. Once it is in your bloodstream, there is little you can do about it. Your relaxation may turn to sluggishness. Your pep may turn to jitters. It’s best to avoid these substances altogether.

Additionally, eat lightly, or not at all, one hour before speaking. A full stomach can lower your energy level and concentration, because your body is busy digesting food. Any nervousness can make digestion difficult. You don’t want a belch or a gurgling stomach interrupting your speech!

8. Look your best

Take some time with your appearance. Polish your shoes and comb your hair. Wear attractive, flattering, professional-looking clothing. When you look good, you feel confident. If you aren’t sure what looking good is all about, do what professional speakers do. Have a few sessions with an image consultant to learn about the colors and styles that look best on you. Women can get personalized advice on hair and make-up. A good image consultant can tell you how to look fantastic without spending a fortune.

9. Remember to breathe

Anxiety tightens the muscles in the chest and throat. With a restricted airway and without enough oxygen, your voice can come out as a squeak! Deep breathing, on the other hand, sends oxygen to the lungs and brain and expands the throat and chest, promoting relaxation. As you approach the platform, take a deep breath and relax.

10. Focus on friendly faces

While speaking, maintain eye contact with your listeners. Find friendly faces and focus on them. Smiles and approving nods will give you extra encouragement.

Final Words….

It’s ironic that some people are more afraid of public speaking than of driving on the highways. Yet, vastly more casualties and fatalities result from traffic accidents than from public speaking. Fear is a natural survival mechanism. It can motivate us, or stop us in our tracks. In situations that pose a threat to life and limb, fear motivates us to be careful. On the other hand, fear is a problem when it interferes with our goals and achievements. These ten tips will help you progress toward confidence on the platform. Ultimately we succeed when we conduct ourselves according to the rewards we want, rather than the things we fear.

Source: http://www.articlecube.com

Judith E, Pearson, Ph.D. owns and manages Motivation Strategies, Inc., a counseling and coaching practice in Springfield, VA. She is also a free-lance writer and speaker, certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and clinical hypnotherapy. Her web site is www.engagethepower.com

We all want to become more confident and feel good about ourselves so we can live our very best life. Here are some ways to gain confidence and raise self-esteem:

1. Do something that requires a decision and a follow-through. Have you been putting off writing that letter to aunt Martha? Is there a friend you’ve been meaning to call? Wash the car, tidy the garden or clean the house. You’ll gain confidence by setting goals (even small ones) and following through on them.

2. Enjoy something you do well. Do you have any hobbies or sports that you enjoy playing? Some things like going swimming, painting or writing can hold your attention and get you into a state of ‘flow’. While you are in the flow you forget about everything else. Afterwards, you’ll feel competent and capable. It’s a great way to boost your self-esteem. If you don’t have any particular hobbies or pastimes that you enjoy make an effort to try something you’ve always wanted to try. Picture yourself doing it, and then give it a try! It doesn’t have to be something big - it can be as simple as joining a walking club. You’ll find that you are more centered and happier if you do something that puts you in that flow at least once a week.

3. Shift the focus. It’s been shown that low self-esteem develops hand-in-hand with individuals who put too much focus on themselves. You can gain confidence by doing something that focuses on someone else or even something else. You’ll find that when you are in a situation where you are meeting new people, you immediately become less nervous when you focus on the person you are meeting. At the end of the day, you’ve interacted with others and will notice that you feel much lighter.

4. Relax, already! Learning to become more relaxed is a great life enhancer. People who are more relaxed have fewer problems with their memories and are more likely to take the bumps in the road of life in stride. The practice of meditation has gained popularity for this reason. You might want to look into Tai Chi, which involves physical relaxation techniques. Whatever method you decide on, take relaxation seriously. The benefits are just too great to ignore. If you’ve never considered relaxation important, think of it this way: if you can attend to something that results in feeling good, how can you not gain confidence in your personal abilities?

5. Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished. Think small. An accomplishment is an accomplishment! Some things you could put on your list: passed my driver’s test and got my license, scored a goal when I played hockey, managed to save enough money to go on a trip and so on. These are just a few ideas you can use to gain confidence and boost your self-esteem. Use these ideas as a base point and add these things permanently in your life. Keep in mind, people are not born with good self-esteem, most of us have to work at it. It develops from your thinking and the things you do daily to make yourself feel good.

About the Author: Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www-confidence.com/

Source: http://www.easyarticles.com

By: Sharon Dotson

Executive coaching consultant Judah Schiller learned all about ‘combat confidence’ as a soldier in the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF), one of the world’s most elite fighting forces.

Now, the attorney-turned-career coach, speaker and Fortune 500 trainer draws on his experiences in the IDF to instruct corporate executives and professionals in the finer points of leadership, stress management and personal growth.

Following his military service, Schiller attended University of California Hastings College of the Law. After graduation, he joined the Silicon Valley office of Weil, Gotshal & Manges, a prominent international law firm.

“Silicon Valley is one of the most high-pressure business environments in the world,” says Schiller. “My work in mergers and acquisitions gave me a unique opportunity to observe a frazzled corporate culture ripe for the abilities every IDF soldier masters from the inside out.

Combat Confidence, Schiller stresses, is not about killing, fighting or anger. “It’s about clarity, focus, empowerment and passion,” he says. “It’s about eliminating the stress, ambiguity and self-limiting talk that stands in the way of living a more balanced and productive life and career.”

In conjunction with speaking, corporate training and seminars, Schiller is an executive coaching consultant to clients all over the U.S. and abroad with whom he conducts one-on-one sessions either in person or by telephone. He also has live teleclasses, where participants dial into a conference line, including his free 60-minute Combat Confidence class. Other classes meet weekly for up to eight sessions.

“Whether by phone or in person,” says Schiller, “my focus as an executive coaching consultant is to help clients create meaningful change in a person’s their lives and provide a tangible plan of action for achieving positive results. If you dread the thought of going back to work on Monday, then you will definitely benefit from Combat Confidence,” says Schiller.

“You’ll also benefit if you’ve been in the same job for more than two years and you are still not experiencing the success and recognition you deserve.”

Article Source: http://www.articlesnatch.com

About the Author:

By: Jamie Jefferson

When your self-confidence soars, everything benefits – your body, your relationships, possibly even your pocketbook.

Here are six simple things you can do today to build your self-confidence.

1. Listen to the way you talk to yourself. Experts say that a full 70 to 80% of our thoughts are negative, and that can eat away at your self-confidence - day in and day out. It may sound corny, but changing your inner monologue can help your self-confidence in untold ways.

Here are some ideas:

- Set a timer for random, intermittent periods of time. When the alarm goes off, immediately tune in to find out what you were thinking about. If it’s negative, make a conscious effort to bring your thoughts immediately into something more positive.

- Write your own affirmations. Say them twice daily – or record them into a tape recorder and listen to them in your car or while doing daily chores.

- Ask a friend to listen for negativity in your conversations. When negativity crops up, immediately say something positive.

- Listen to behavior modification audios that target negative self-talk. These can be really effective – and come in both subliminal and non-subliminal varieties.

2. Look your best. Superficial as it may sound, the way you feel about your appearance on a daily basis can really build self-confidence. Go through a stack of magazines and tear out photos of hairstyles and clothing that are appealing to you. How can you incorporate some of those images into your present look? It takes just minutes a day to polish your appearance, and you’ll instantly look and feel more self-confident. When you look and feel more confident, you’ll act more confident. And when you act more confident, you’ll *be* more confident.

3. Stand up straight. When you are feeling down, you are more likely to slouch and frown, which can make a bad mood even worse. Next time you don’t feel like smiling, pull your shoulders back, stand tall, and smile. Before you know it, your smile will be genuine. And you will be exhibiting a more self-confident you to the world.

4. Examine the energy of your friends. What kind of energy do you emit with friends? What kind of energy do your friends emit? Here’s a good litmus test: How do you feel about yourself and the world immediately after you leave the company of your friend? If you feel down and critical, make an effort to be around more positive, self-confident people. Their energy will rub off on you.

5. Catalog your positives. Make a long list of all the accomplishments that you are proud of, and post it where you can see it every day. Now make a list of the personality characteristics that you are proud of. What makes you unique? Celebrate yourself and all the things that make you, you – without trying to change them.

6. Be grateful. Start your day by jotting down 5 things you are looking forward to. And end your day by writing 5 things you enjoyed. By acknowledging the blessings in our lives, we get a sense for the bigger picture and our larger life purpose, which is much, much more than the day-to-day obstacles of our lives.

Article Source:http://www.free-article-bank.com

Jamie Jefferson is a frequent contributor to www.BestSelfHelp.com Read more articles on self-empowerment and get free self-help resources